Posts Tagged ‘dad’

Exciting stuff in the future!

I splurged in my doll hobby

And boy am I excited. First, I’m expecting two in November, and both will need faceups which I never fail to delay. Next, two in my house are demanding makeup remover to get rid of their ridiculous faceups and get new ones; one is a eyelash-less boy with the makeup of a girl’s, and the other has black caterpillars for eyebrows with the most unsightly black stains on the nose and chin that would not come off.

Recently attended a very simple private doll meet and I have to say the experience was fun somehow even though we do the same things without the dolls. You nua, you eat, you talk. It does feel very exciting seeing everyone’s dolls. I can’t wait for the rest of my kids to be presentable for future meets LOL.

I would like to splurge in rori

unfortunately I could not. Next.

I am, however, splurging a lot on taobao.

Aunts who are devout buddhists…

…are making things difficult for me because they just told me that during the previous 49 days, my dad’s soul has been in great sorrow and has been standing next to my mother and I, desperately begging for us to be able to hear him. And then 21 days into the 49 days he will wander about aimlessly not knowing what to do because his soul cannot bring himself to believe that he’s dead. And then on the 49th day he will be “very very sad” because he will never be able to see us ever again and be made to forget us before he gets ~sent away to the pure land where he will be very very happy~

I don’t know which part of that is supposed to make me feel appeased. Thanks to this stupid thing, I now can’t sleep. I didn’t need to hear that despite all the instructions you gave us to follow in order to make sure his soul gets appeased, and that he will have a good journey to the pure land (or get reincarnated, you know, ~just in case~ the whole pure land travel thing didn’t work out), my dad has been crying in agony for 49 days. Gee thanks XD;

They meant good, I know, but nrrrggggh LOL.

Vrooooooom!!!!

I drove O< My first epic driving adventure was to go to Central at Clarke Quay. Jasmine helped me checked the maps, and it was her virgin map reading experience LOL. We took 2 detours after exiting the expressway because we were on the wrong lane to turn, but whatever, we did it \o/ And parking at the multi-storey carpark was uneventful save for the screaming we did when we had to continuously go up 5 levels of circling.

And to make it even more dangerous, we drove to Admiralty during peak hour. And then back to Khatib. We got lost so many times LOL.

But I can conclude that I don’t want the car. Driving it alone is so.. gloomy.

I’ve talked to my mother about it, and we decided to sell the car for good. Her only priority is that it’s smaller, so I’m left to do the whole choosing car part. And sob, I don’t know how to go about it. I don’t even know what to look out for. Mum mentioned picanto, but that’s cus it’s the only car she knows of. I’ll be needing a lot of help with this.

Today will be the 7th day. We’re gonna huddle up and sleep together LOL.

I’m handling things a lot better than I expected, but at the same time, I’m still very surprised at how I can easily cry over the smallest thought of him. I can be very happy when I want to be because after the cremation, it felt like there was a bigger sense of closure =D (more…)

Young bird parading about the porch.

I think I cried too much till I can’t open my eyes anymore. But I really feel a lot better now. It feels like everything will be okay now =D I actually feel very cheerful now that it’s all over (minus the remaining days for the 49 days thing)

Thank you to everyone who attended the wake <33

Okay ignoring all the last minute annoying affairs, I am glad that I was allowed to carry dad’s picture and remains. I almost didn’t get the chance to, but my mum and I requested even though we both know it’s unlucky for me (who is female, and unmarried) to hold the picture. Thankfully the monks said that since the spouse and child are his most immediate family, we have every right to have the final say.

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Typing with my eyes half-opened

I’ll get back to you guys soon. It’s so.. busy and hectic. In fact, I lost all sense of time that I can’t seem to feel when I should be having my meals (but I had dinner because Jasmine visited with food lol)

A shoutout to thank those who attended the wake (or is about to) not that many of them know of this blog. I wish I could have talked to you all more (and behaved better as a host), but argh I didn’t know how I ended up being a one man show dealing with everything when I was not supposed to. We are terribly shorthanded, with my mother having to go out and continue with all the procedures for dad, and I being the only descendent (and a lot of people being annoyed that I’m a female doing a lot of “jobs that should belong to males”)

I don’t want to write down what happened during yesterday, except the fact I am very very happy (ecstatic, really) when Sparklies arrived. It’s like YES. COMPANY. NOT ANNOYING PEOPLE. REST. PEANUTS.

I don’t know what to expect later on, just that it’s “going to be reallllllly tiring”

I’ll talk some other time, ya?

There’s really no time nor mood to grief or think until you get a chance to sleep.

The Wake

Rushing to deal with the wake, obituary, the whole funeral works, there really isn’t any time left to grief over my dad’s death. I guess that’s a good thing, but it can be really draining. It’s so useful that the hospital gave us this pamphlet, “What to do when your loved one passes away”. I honestly thought it’s one of those don’t grief. Cheer up. If you need help, seek counselor XXXXXXXX. But cool, we got step by step instructions on how we should get dad’s death cert, deal with this and that, and a list of funeral directors and places for cremation etc. etc.

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Can’t you see the sparkles in my eyes?

My dad planned it nicely. I don’t need to skip school for all this. After today’s exam, I’ll be on a 2 week break. And I’m sorry to my friend, but I’ll need to postpone the horse riding class. It really sucks because it’s been delayed for 4 weeks already. And I really wanted to resume classes soon.

11 August 2011, my dad passed away at 0220.

I’m sorry, but I’m not planning on saying anything about this to anyone unless needed for the wake (idk what to expect). To those who know of this blog, sorry and thank you for having to deal with 13 days of such entries with me. Since I have not done any sort of announcement about my dad being hospitalised other than that time where I panicked in the ambulance (via twitter), I understand that a lot of people close to me are unaware of what’s happening, but I really don’t see any sort of fitting moment where I can just go “btw my dad just got a major stroke and is not waking up/passed away.” Feel free to inform whoever you see fit to know about this.

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Day 13

This morning my mum received a call telling us to rush over to the hospital because “things don’t look good”.

I have an exam at 10AM.

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Arrietty and Day 10

Finally got around to watching Arrietty. Am always happy to discover more celtic music. Totally get immersed into the garden and forest by hearing the music. I appreciate how simple the lyrics are.

Love the set they did for her! AIYA why no allow embedding!?

Arriety’s Song (Japanese ver.) live

Cecile Corbel’s The Neglected Garden for the movie is also really beautiful to listen.

Again, Ghibli never does a Happily Ever After ending, but I think I’m starting to appreciate their idea of a happy ending more and more. You never did reach the end of your journey, and you probably felt like you’re back at the starting point, but you somehow still gained something from it all. And when it’s finished, when you’re ready, you move on. Happily Ever After always sounds impossible, because your life never ends just because of that. I think those endings are probably what could be considered the idealistic but achievable real happy “endings” for people.

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Random blahblahs and Day 9

Trying to get a much much bigger layout. I can’t stand the tiny space for text haha. Fiddling with random layouts, though I really should be focusing on something like a custom header, but for some reason, I find selecting pictures to be realllly taxing.

I’m finally done with school lessons \o/ One more lesson on Monday, then 2 exams by Thursday, and yaaaaay 2 weeks of well deserved holidays.

I’m telling myself to blog about other things too. To sort of focus on other things going on around me other than my dad.

I’m looking forward to Sunday’s horseriding. I have a feeling that my body will not listen to me at all though, and I’ll just end up bruising my legs in order to desperately keep my feet in the stirrup while trotting. Annnnnd I’ll probably take ages to lift my leg up the stirrup in order to mount. As much as I find it stressing to trot Bob /bricked, I think mounting is just as stressful (just more short-term lol), second being taking the horse to the training grounds (they never listen!!!!!). No matter how high I lift my leg with my hands, it’s always never enough. I resorted to do this little tiptoe skip in order to get the tip of my boot barely on the stirrup, and then without pausing, I grab the saddle and jump like mad to get the momentum again to mount. Maybe that’s why Bob hates me.

And no matter how much I try to measure the stirrups to suit me, I never get it right somehow, and then I’ll just feel very stupid letting my instructor adjust it for me orz. Then I wish he would have just adjusted them to be even shorter so that it’s easier to post lol

I saw that each hole along the belt of the stirrup thing had numbers. I remember my previous one was a 10. I’ll probably adjust it back to that number.. and then let my instructor adjust again as he see fit (and memorise the number!) lol.

Day 9
To bring down his fever, they put this slab of ice under his bed, so his body is ice cold. My mother and I commented that it’s like Yang Guo’s cold jade bed lol. But even with the cold jade bed, his fever remains at 39 degrees. His breathing is so so so low, we’re talking 50 low. blood pressure going up and down. And he’s starting to cough. Everything’s just looking so bad.

I think it’s good that my mother still has a friend to talk to about it, though I wish that he would just stop asking my mum to think about what would her decision be should things happen, and you know, the whole “let him live and pray for a miracle, or end his suffering?” shit. I don’t care if you want my mother to start mentally preparing herself in advance. I think it’s unhealthy for her to keep thinking about this.

And then he can conveniently hang up before he has to experience what I call my mum’s panic mode. It’s just making everything worse. What if she starts developing illness after illness and can’t sleep because she thinks about it too much? Who do you think is going to suffer from this stupid talk. The two of us. Not you.

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